A girl i know - Her side of the story.

I was once this girl who thought she was strong, didn't need anyone and lived in a small bubble. I was like a frog in the well, my world was the people around me, and i was content with the little i had in life.

I never wanted to get married, and i went around telling people i'm gonna live rich and live alone.

And then came the twist in the plot. He walked in, made me fight for everything i believed showed me a glimpse of how much more i could have and i fell in love.

The same girl who was content, knew what she could get, she wanted more. She wanted to get married someday, make babies.. Build a house and maybe even give up her career for her family.

I was now the girl that built castles in air. From the wedding dress, to the kinda house (down to the detail of number of rooms) the guests to be invited, everything was planned.

Then, this guy i now considered "mine" helped another girl get a glimpse of what she should have  just like he did with me. And guess what? She fell for him too (No surprise there. HE'S HOT!)

The only difference this time was he didn't want to reject this girl right away, because she was beautiful both inside and out. He said she deserved better, and there was no way i could not disagree with that.

But it hurt, to hear him talk of pleasing another girl. To hear him think and consider her pierced my heart. First it was overwhelming sadness, then frustration, and then anger and finally self destruction. I tore down all the dreams i built.

I passed every fantasy, every dream through a shredder. I was in that mode till there was nothing left to lose. It was satisfying and painful both at once. Most of all it was cruel to him. Because he built all those castles with me too.

I sometimes honestly wish i had a normal guy and a normal relationship, but then in the same breath i am fully aware that i would have ever fallen in love with him if he was "normal". And i would never trade "being in love" for anything.

So right now he's forgiven me for going into self destruct and almost destroying us, but he's not forgotten it.

We still have a lot of healing to do. We are not who we used to be, and it scares me, because now what we have anybody can have. What we had then, was magical. The other woman in love with him is still around, its just there. We are not tossing and poking that boat anywhere around for now.

He knows i love him. Both he and i both know she likes him more than a friend still too. Everything is out on the table, no under currents, no hidden feelings.

Isn't the truth supposed to make things easier? From when the truth about her feelings was out, its only been a downhill.

I have a knot in my throat as i type this, and its threatening to spill out through my eyes. I wish there was a solution to this. A solution where no one got hurt. But we haven't gotten that smart yet.

Young love.. Can't live with it, can't live without.

Love,
Lonfused girl.

He loves me, he loves me not.

That was what was running in the girl's head. She could not believe she was even having doubts like that! They have been together for like 3 years.. And now was just not the time to think of it. But yet here she was.

After every text she typed and deleted, after every line she rephrased.. All she could think of was, that.
Weren't things supposed to get easier?
People supposed to mature with time. Why did everything feel like it was happening backyards with her. Why did she feel like things were so much easier for them two years ago. Weren't people supposed to understand you better with time?

And what was he saying? He didn't want her worry bout him or care about him? Is that even possible?
Isn't that kinda impossible when your in love.
Like is there a magnetic force that helps you do that?







[The photograph belongs to an amazing photographer, who also happens to be a very close friend. Its so beautiful, is'nt it?
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As she lay on her belly, staring intently into the blank wall infront of her, she could not help but think if he had someone else in mind, or if he got tired of her, or did he just want to be single and "free" like he called it that day.. But she could also help but feel guilty and horrible bout doubting him or his love.

He was a part of her.. To hurt her, he would have to go through the pain equally.. She told herself, so sane person will hurt themselves.. And yet she had that tiny weeny doubt at the back of her head.. A doubt she was afraid to say out loud.. Is this the shore of the river of pain?

Are these its water that wash over her toes every other min. Is this the point where she has to run away or will she have to fight the tide to stay afloat.

Will it be worth it?

Its a fight she has to fight alone, and the answer will come only if the battle's won.