'To life in all its real glory :)

Hello Blog world!

I've been MIA and it was quite intentional. I'm going through like a weird phase in life.. Its been a mixture of high's and lows. Lets start with the high's, shall we?

I got my first job. Its the second interview i sat for and after like a long wait, with the whole process sprawled  over like a month i finally got it :D
Its a job in my line of interest and study and oh so exciting! I start end of this month, on the 30th of june.. and i'm super excited, i can't wait to get started!

In the meanwhile my boat's been tossing and turning in this journey called life.. I seem to be stuck in a storm that's refusing to pass. There were moments my boat almost toppled, there were also moments i thought the storm has almost passed.. But here i am back at the heart of it.

The emotions and feelings are overwhelming! I feel so weak and vulnerable at the same time strong and determined. I wanna build walls and not let anyone in, yet i'm waiting for that one person to forcefully make their way in and break my walls. I wanna stop believing in a lot of things, at the same time i want someone who gives me no choice but believe.

Is this even normal? Is this how growing up is gonna feel? i don't know. But nobody can really give you answers to these questions.. i don't think people even understand exactly. The answers lie within and nobody gets you like you do. Its a crazy crazy complicated life :)

I just wanna stop feeling so restless and i don't know..

In the midst of all this, i had a tiny vacation to this beautiful place called coorg.

Here are a few grainy pictures i clicked!

It was such e refreshing break from the hustle and bustle of my city life!

Have a grand week ya'll :)

A girl i know - Her side of the story.

I was once this girl who thought she was strong, didn't need anyone and lived in a small bubble. I was like a frog in the well, my world was the people around me, and i was content with the little i had in life.

I never wanted to get married, and i went around telling people i'm gonna live rich and live alone.

And then came the twist in the plot. He walked in, made me fight for everything i believed showed me a glimpse of how much more i could have and i fell in love.

The same girl who was content, knew what she could get, she wanted more. She wanted to get married someday, make babies.. Build a house and maybe even give up her career for her family.

I was now the girl that built castles in air. From the wedding dress, to the kinda house (down to the detail of number of rooms) the guests to be invited, everything was planned.

Then, this guy i now considered "mine" helped another girl get a glimpse of what she should have  just like he did with me. And guess what? She fell for him too (No surprise there. HE'S HOT!)

The only difference this time was he didn't want to reject this girl right away, because she was beautiful both inside and out. He said she deserved better, and there was no way i could not disagree with that.

But it hurt, to hear him talk of pleasing another girl. To hear him think and consider her pierced my heart. First it was overwhelming sadness, then frustration, and then anger and finally self destruction. I tore down all the dreams i built.

I passed every fantasy, every dream through a shredder. I was in that mode till there was nothing left to lose. It was satisfying and painful both at once. Most of all it was cruel to him. Because he built all those castles with me too.

I sometimes honestly wish i had a normal guy and a normal relationship, but then in the same breath i am fully aware that i would have ever fallen in love with him if he was "normal". And i would never trade "being in love" for anything.

So right now he's forgiven me for going into self destruct and almost destroying us, but he's not forgotten it.

We still have a lot of healing to do. We are not who we used to be, and it scares me, because now what we have anybody can have. What we had then, was magical. The other woman in love with him is still around, its just there. We are not tossing and poking that boat anywhere around for now.

He knows i love him. Both he and i both know she likes him more than a friend still too. Everything is out on the table, no under currents, no hidden feelings.

Isn't the truth supposed to make things easier? From when the truth about her feelings was out, its only been a downhill.

I have a knot in my throat as i type this, and its threatening to spill out through my eyes. I wish there was a solution to this. A solution where no one got hurt. But we haven't gotten that smart yet.

Young love.. Can't live with it, can't live without.

Love,
Lonfused girl.

Confused.

Hello there!

Have you all had a time in your life too where you wished you didn't grow up, at-least not so fast? I'm in that phase now and i kinda hate. I hate how i have to make "responsible" decisions some of which will determine something as HUGE as which way i'm gonna go in life.

So right now i'm confused if i should study or work. Like till yesterday i was convinced i'm gonna work a year or two and then resume studies as most of the colleges i wanna go to are harping on work experience. But then yesterday i got a call from a college i applied for, to come for round 2 of the selection process.

[That's my single most ugliest drawing. I think my drawing capabilities drop from like a 7 to like a 1/2 when i'm confused.]

I didn't even consider it seriously because honestly i'm quite content with the job offer i got from a reputed company via campus recruitment. But now i can't help but think will i regret it all my life if i don't show up at this college for round 2.

I'm sure of one thing i wanna finish my MBA in the next 5 years. But being sure of that is not getting me anywhere.

I can't really toss a coin on this one. See, this is exactly what i mean by i don't like growing up. I can't help but wonder, can you live a life without regrets in reality. I mean at some point aren't we all faced with a choice like this. Will our decision no matter how wholehearted leave us with no regrets? Is no regrets a reality or theortical concept thrown around?

Decision time.