Wanderlust!

I'm having a serious case of wanderlust, people! I want to need to travel! Its been soo long, the itch is just getting worse and making me so restless.

I keep thinking of the places i wanna go to, the sights i wanna see, the things i wanna experience, the people i can meet, the foooood ill get to eat. Its hopeless ya'll!

'To life in all its real glory :)

Hello Blog world!

I've been MIA and it was quite intentional. I'm going through like a weird phase in life.. Its been a mixture of high's and lows. Lets start with the high's, shall we?

I got my first job. Its the second interview i sat for and after like a long wait, with the whole process sprawled  over like a month i finally got it :D
Its a job in my line of interest and study and oh so exciting! I start end of this month, on the 30th of june.. and i'm super excited, i can't wait to get started!

In the meanwhile my boat's been tossing and turning in this journey called life.. I seem to be stuck in a storm that's refusing to pass. There were moments my boat almost toppled, there were also moments i thought the storm has almost passed.. But here i am back at the heart of it.

The emotions and feelings are overwhelming! I feel so weak and vulnerable at the same time strong and determined. I wanna build walls and not let anyone in, yet i'm waiting for that one person to forcefully make their way in and break my walls. I wanna stop believing in a lot of things, at the same time i want someone who gives me no choice but believe.

Is this even normal? Is this how growing up is gonna feel? i don't know. But nobody can really give you answers to these questions.. i don't think people even understand exactly. The answers lie within and nobody gets you like you do. Its a crazy crazy complicated life :)

I just wanna stop feeling so restless and i don't know..

In the midst of all this, i had a tiny vacation to this beautiful place called coorg.

Here are a few grainy pictures i clicked!

It was such e refreshing break from the hustle and bustle of my city life!

Have a grand week ya'll :)

To each, his own.

I don't really feel like writing today, so i'm just gonna go ahead and upload a butt load of pictures to show you all i have been upto! Go ahead and draw your own conclusions from it..

A picture can sometimes say wayy more than words can. :)

A girl i know - Her side of the story.

I was once this girl who thought she was strong, didn't need anyone and lived in a small bubble. I was like a frog in the well, my world was the people around me, and i was content with the little i had in life.

I never wanted to get married, and i went around telling people i'm gonna live rich and live alone.

And then came the twist in the plot. He walked in, made me fight for everything i believed showed me a glimpse of how much more i could have and i fell in love.

The same girl who was content, knew what she could get, she wanted more. She wanted to get married someday, make babies.. Build a house and maybe even give up her career for her family.

I was now the girl that built castles in air. From the wedding dress, to the kinda house (down to the detail of number of rooms) the guests to be invited, everything was planned.

Then, this guy i now considered "mine" helped another girl get a glimpse of what she should have  just like he did with me. And guess what? She fell for him too (No surprise there. HE'S HOT!)

The only difference this time was he didn't want to reject this girl right away, because she was beautiful both inside and out. He said she deserved better, and there was no way i could not disagree with that.

But it hurt, to hear him talk of pleasing another girl. To hear him think and consider her pierced my heart. First it was overwhelming sadness, then frustration, and then anger and finally self destruction. I tore down all the dreams i built.

I passed every fantasy, every dream through a shredder. I was in that mode till there was nothing left to lose. It was satisfying and painful both at once. Most of all it was cruel to him. Because he built all those castles with me too.

I sometimes honestly wish i had a normal guy and a normal relationship, but then in the same breath i am fully aware that i would have ever fallen in love with him if he was "normal". And i would never trade "being in love" for anything.

So right now he's forgiven me for going into self destruct and almost destroying us, but he's not forgotten it.

We still have a lot of healing to do. We are not who we used to be, and it scares me, because now what we have anybody can have. What we had then, was magical. The other woman in love with him is still around, its just there. We are not tossing and poking that boat anywhere around for now.

He knows i love him. Both he and i both know she likes him more than a friend still too. Everything is out on the table, no under currents, no hidden feelings.

Isn't the truth supposed to make things easier? From when the truth about her feelings was out, its only been a downhill.

I have a knot in my throat as i type this, and its threatening to spill out through my eyes. I wish there was a solution to this. A solution where no one got hurt. But we haven't gotten that smart yet.

Young love.. Can't live with it, can't live without.

Love,
Lonfused girl.

The Eye.

So I'm finally done with college, i don't know how to feel about that.. Its a mixed feeling of relief of finally being done, coupled with excitement to start a completely new phase with a dash of fear because of so much uncertainty that the future holds.

My decision to stay happy where and no matter how or no matter what, is going quite well as long as i'm occupied. I'm in day four of my break and i have had quite a productive week.

Currently my latest obsession is Ms paint, and i sit hours on it drawing whatever comes to my mind. Here is a sneak peak :P

This one is totally random, it was done for a friend who inspired it. But i'm quite proud of it even if this friend didn't think much of it ^-^

So basically i'm just blogging and instagram'ming away just to show this off!

I dunno what to do next! Anybody have any inspiration for me? nothing? Ok.

I have this vague idea about what i wanna do next, ill shall be back soon with the finished product, until then.. blow your minds out with this one. (Am i making any sense anymore?)

I'm calling this "The Eye".. How creative, right.

I think ill title my post that! o.o
Yes, i title my post after i write. Problem anyone? No? Good.

I'M A WOMAN.

Life is a full circle they say.
So you don't really know if its the end,
Or your just penned.

Both feel the same,
Feels like someone is playing a game.

The highs and then the lows,
Carefully raining down blow by blow.

Your hurt
And left feeling like dirt.

That pervert.
His hands up my shirt..

And down trickle my unnoticed tears,
With it comes true, my worse fears.

But im a woman, we take pride in ourselves.
A pervert can't make me hate myself.

In every woman there is a "man"
Chinese, Indian or Bhutan.

The choice is limited,
The mindset? Narrow and primitive.

Be the victim or proud survivor,
Its time we stopped being back seat drivers.

The mind, it gets this. But the heart?

Its cold and blue,
Foolishly waiting for someone to break through.

Waiting for a smile or hug,
And taking it in, like its a addictive drug.

7 Things To Do When In Solitude.

Why would someone be in self exile? I don't know! But time alone only almost always helps, you may find a side of you that you didn't know existed!

I sat in a self imposed solitude for about two days because i felt i was swearing too much, i didn't like it! Its just not me, so it had to cleaned out, alone. And it definitely helped. I have more self control than i imagined :P

More seriously, lets get started, shall we :)

1. THROW THE PHONE AWAY.

Trust me, nothing makes you wanna run from your decision like your phone! It'll all be smooth at first, your just scrolling around on Facebook, and then you come to whatsapp, your reading everyone's status and then you see that name.. And you feel this urgent need to text or call, and it won't go away even with a random distraction. So if you wanna do this, throw away your phone.

2. Be occupied.

They don't call the idle mind a devil's workshop for nothing. Do something, ANYTHING. Read a book, go shopping, study, play a sport!

3. Learn something New:

You have all the time in the world and you live in the Google era. Learn something new, like cook something you've always wanted to try, or try to make a hat! You get the idea, right?

4. Clean your room:

I know this sounds cliche but you'll have to agree with me on this one. If your someone like me then you've used the lack of time excuse wayy too many times.. So do it now. And you never know, you may find something you had forgotten about and it'll keep you occupied for hours!

5. Look at pictures:

This should probably be number one on my list :)
You won't hear or mind the clock ticking on this one. The older the better. Its wierd how even after so many years pictures have that grip on you.

6. If you have absolutely nothing to do get on the internet!

There is a ocean of stuff in here that will keep you hooked. So just this other day, i was doing random browsing and landed up on this page. If you lived in a ignorant bubble like me and have no clue what Humans of New York is, your missing out on something crazy! The pictures and story, it just makes you think how often you've been so judgmental. How many times have we stopped to think of what could be the story of someone you just passed on the street. Even the brightest smile has a story behind it. It kinda made me think of my perspective of things. Its beautiful, check it out :)
Its almost a week since i found it, and im still hooked!

7. Do that ONE thing:

Don't we all have that ONE thing we keep pushing at the back of our head. Something we ALWAYS wanted to do but never found the time or motivation to. What's yours? Is it getting a new book of your favorite author? Is it a misunderstanding you needed to clear with an old friend? Or is it something as simple as finding a gym and enrolling :)

Find your thing and do it :)

Metamorphosis

That's quite a big word spell :P
Basically, change. That's what it literally means to me. In this ever changing crazy amazing sometimes, depressing life of mine.. there is so much change happening. I'm metamorphosing. I know that this term is generally used to indicate growth and positive development in animals.. i'm using it in a different sense today. 

There is so much happening i'm just like "Hey! Not so fast, life! I need a min to breathe" or something! Its insane how much a year old can take in a day.. Honestly, i'm left panting and puffing at the end of each day. 

And i hate it. You ask, why? Because i hate not being in control, esp when it comes to my life. I have/had everything planned.. and some little thing decides to take a detour.. annnddd there comes crashing down my whole properly thought of life plan.

Its hard.

But it has taught me so much. You know what i feel? Everyone should go through one life altering mess.. why? Because this is where you see whom you can actually trust. this is the point in my life where i saw who can put aside everything and be there, by everything i don't just mean one evening or one day literally everything.

This is the place i saw the people who cared, but were too busy to do anything about it. And can i be real honest? it hurt so freaking much. As much i would like to say i don't really care, and it doesn't matter.. i just can't. Because it mattered

You know what i needed most in my weakest moment? Not someone who told me i'm strong enough to get through this.. but just one person to tell me they'll hold my hand and go through this with me. One person to tell me they'll be right there to give me a push when i felt like giving up.

And forever grateful to Have not one but quite a few people around to help me. But i got help from sources unexpected. The people i always thought will come through to me showed me the door.. and that was hard to accept.

Anyway, lesson learnt, tears dried :)

OKAY, too much serious talk! Wanna hear something yum? Today is PIE DAY! :D

Exactly! put your aprons on, or at least call a baker friend and get yourself a yummy piece of pie todaay to celebrate :D

Hug one, Hug all.

For someone who loves hugs, this is just another reason to keep hugging :D

Who doesn't want a boost to their immune system, now :)

Two months and counting :)

Tomorrow marks two months of me getting a blog and starting off. And its been an absolute pleasure since then. Honestly i never thought ill last this long! But the page views and the occasional comments made me keep coming back, more than anything else this place was supposed to be a release its been that and much more! Its become something i look forward to every day :]

I thought what better time to make this little blog more "me" than now?!

So my name will still be a mystery. But here is more! I turned 20 this month, so i am no more the teen i was.. I'm Indian and live in a gorgeous city - Hyderabad. Numbers are my thing! I'm at a point in career where im keeping all my options open, another few months and ill know for sure which way im heading :D

I love coffee and I've  baked only once in my life. Chocolates and hugs work wonders for me and can turn any day around. i use ! a lot. My friends are a very important part of me. I'm not a introvert but im not someone who will come up and start a conversation, unless its just the two of us in a room and the silence gets wayy too awkward! But i talk to anyone and everyone who comes up and talks. I have loooots of friends but a chosen few are the ones that actually know me well.

This below is subject to change any min, right now my mood feels this :P

LOVING: chocolates, writing, talking, the weather

HATING: fights, angry people

WATCHING: Castle

WANTING: colder nights, a book charm bracelet (Found it yday, but it doesn't ship to where i live :[ )

PLANNING: For a upcoming project in coll, the weekend.

FEELING: Comfy, warm. a little sick [Have a runny nose]

LEARNING: independence, to think differently

WISHING; My winter break gets here faaastteerr.

NEEDING: A new diary [Have been postponing getting one for wayy too long!]


Well, thats all for noww.. You'll see more of me in every post i write!
keep reading.

I would love to hear what you think :)