A girl i know - Her side of the story.

I was once this girl who thought she was strong, didn't need anyone and lived in a small bubble. I was like a frog in the well, my world was the people around me, and i was content with the little i had in life.

I never wanted to get married, and i went around telling people i'm gonna live rich and live alone.

And then came the twist in the plot. He walked in, made me fight for everything i believed showed me a glimpse of how much more i could have and i fell in love.

The same girl who was content, knew what she could get, she wanted more. She wanted to get married someday, make babies.. Build a house and maybe even give up her career for her family.

I was now the girl that built castles in air. From the wedding dress, to the kinda house (down to the detail of number of rooms) the guests to be invited, everything was planned.

Then, this guy i now considered "mine" helped another girl get a glimpse of what she should have  just like he did with me. And guess what? She fell for him too (No surprise there. HE'S HOT!)

The only difference this time was he didn't want to reject this girl right away, because she was beautiful both inside and out. He said she deserved better, and there was no way i could not disagree with that.

But it hurt, to hear him talk of pleasing another girl. To hear him think and consider her pierced my heart. First it was overwhelming sadness, then frustration, and then anger and finally self destruction. I tore down all the dreams i built.

I passed every fantasy, every dream through a shredder. I was in that mode till there was nothing left to lose. It was satisfying and painful both at once. Most of all it was cruel to him. Because he built all those castles with me too.

I sometimes honestly wish i had a normal guy and a normal relationship, but then in the same breath i am fully aware that i would have ever fallen in love with him if he was "normal". And i would never trade "being in love" for anything.

So right now he's forgiven me for going into self destruct and almost destroying us, but he's not forgotten it.

We still have a lot of healing to do. We are not who we used to be, and it scares me, because now what we have anybody can have. What we had then, was magical. The other woman in love with him is still around, its just there. We are not tossing and poking that boat anywhere around for now.

He knows i love him. Both he and i both know she likes him more than a friend still too. Everything is out on the table, no under currents, no hidden feelings.

Isn't the truth supposed to make things easier? From when the truth about her feelings was out, its only been a downhill.

I have a knot in my throat as i type this, and its threatening to spill out through my eyes. I wish there was a solution to this. A solution where no one got hurt. But we haven't gotten that smart yet.

Young love.. Can't live with it, can't live without.

Love,
Lonfused girl.

I'M A WOMAN.

Life is a full circle they say.
So you don't really know if its the end,
Or your just penned.

Both feel the same,
Feels like someone is playing a game.

The highs and then the lows,
Carefully raining down blow by blow.

Your hurt
And left feeling like dirt.

That pervert.
His hands up my shirt..

And down trickle my unnoticed tears,
With it comes true, my worse fears.

But im a woman, we take pride in ourselves.
A pervert can't make me hate myself.

In every woman there is a "man"
Chinese, Indian or Bhutan.

The choice is limited,
The mindset? Narrow and primitive.

Be the victim or proud survivor,
Its time we stopped being back seat drivers.

The mind, it gets this. But the heart?

Its cold and blue,
Foolishly waiting for someone to break through.

Waiting for a smile or hug,
And taking it in, like its a addictive drug.

7 Things To Do When In Solitude.

Why would someone be in self exile? I don't know! But time alone only almost always helps, you may find a side of you that you didn't know existed!

I sat in a self imposed solitude for about two days because i felt i was swearing too much, i didn't like it! Its just not me, so it had to cleaned out, alone. And it definitely helped. I have more self control than i imagined :P

More seriously, lets get started, shall we :)

1. THROW THE PHONE AWAY.

Trust me, nothing makes you wanna run from your decision like your phone! It'll all be smooth at first, your just scrolling around on Facebook, and then you come to whatsapp, your reading everyone's status and then you see that name.. And you feel this urgent need to text or call, and it won't go away even with a random distraction. So if you wanna do this, throw away your phone.

2. Be occupied.

They don't call the idle mind a devil's workshop for nothing. Do something, ANYTHING. Read a book, go shopping, study, play a sport!

3. Learn something New:

You have all the time in the world and you live in the Google era. Learn something new, like cook something you've always wanted to try, or try to make a hat! You get the idea, right?

4. Clean your room:

I know this sounds cliche but you'll have to agree with me on this one. If your someone like me then you've used the lack of time excuse wayy too many times.. So do it now. And you never know, you may find something you had forgotten about and it'll keep you occupied for hours!

5. Look at pictures:

This should probably be number one on my list :)
You won't hear or mind the clock ticking on this one. The older the better. Its wierd how even after so many years pictures have that grip on you.

6. If you have absolutely nothing to do get on the internet!

There is a ocean of stuff in here that will keep you hooked. So just this other day, i was doing random browsing and landed up on this page. If you lived in a ignorant bubble like me and have no clue what Humans of New York is, your missing out on something crazy! The pictures and story, it just makes you think how often you've been so judgmental. How many times have we stopped to think of what could be the story of someone you just passed on the street. Even the brightest smile has a story behind it. It kinda made me think of my perspective of things. Its beautiful, check it out :)
Its almost a week since i found it, and im still hooked!

7. Do that ONE thing:

Don't we all have that ONE thing we keep pushing at the back of our head. Something we ALWAYS wanted to do but never found the time or motivation to. What's yours? Is it getting a new book of your favorite author? Is it a misunderstanding you needed to clear with an old friend? Or is it something as simple as finding a gym and enrolling :)

Find your thing and do it :)

Dependence

A very mysterious word. Does the world still have people you can depend on blindly? I don't know and im not gonna find out anytime soon.

I dunno if its a girl thing or just a teenage thing.. But dependence creeps out of somewhere in our lives. Even if its for something small, we depend on people.
Whether its family, or friends or acquaintances or even strangers. Its just human tendency to choose dependence over independence.

Its easier too, but the risks are high. And most of the time, not worth taking :)
Soo this is to all those people, who are depending, waiting, and wasting time believing someone will change.. Its time to stop. Stop, get up and take charge
.
Life on earth is short, there are a billion plus people, if this one is not worth it, move on.. You'll find that one person who'll make you believe in everything you only dreamed about
.
Get up, dust yourself and prepare for the journey ahead. Its gonna be hard, but worth it :)
And lastly only depend on God, he never lets people down, and i say that from experience :)

The unknown

"The unknown seems scary and
dangerous. But that's where all
the growth and progress lives."
I started my day by reading this quote and it got me thinking. How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something because of the fear of the unknown?
I can think of various such situations. Be it in relationships or daily decisions, i have held back so many times because of the fear of the unknown.
Thinking back now, i feel maybe if i had lived without fear my life would probably be completely different.
But better late than never, right? Lets make an effort! Stop fearing the unknown, take that one mighty giant step and watch the unknown transform into the known.

As i was just sitting in a bus, on my way to college today i was wallowing in self pity thinking i have a hard life just because i had to wait long for a bus, and how im juggling projects and assignments and exams and interviews all at once.. But one look out of my bubble and i realize what a cosy comfy life i live. I have a beautiful house, people i can call family and so many beautiful things. Sometimes it takes others sorrows to make us focus on our blessings!
I watched a crippled man crawling from vehicle to vehicle begging, while i sat comfortable in my seat crying about something i chose to do, and end of the day enjoy doing.
Sometimes life has funny ways of teaching you things, its time we stop and pay heed before its too late :)

I dunno where im going with this post! I started with one thought and im onto something completely different now! :P

Happy day fellow humans! :D